The Cold War spy comedy is a favorite genre of mine, but I have to draw the line somewhere. The Experts (1989) is the perfect place for that line. The pink neon-sign-font opening credits heralding career-low John Travolta and TV mainstay Arye Gross as the stars do not kick things off to a promising start, despite the involvement of EGOT Marvin Hamlisch and directing credit for SCTV alum Dave Thomas. The plot, which also made for a very goofy episode of Alias, centers on a fake American town in the USSR, where Soviet spies are trained to pass for Americans circa 1955. Naturally the wonders of consumerism, shoulder pads and slang like “bean juice”* drive the faux-mericans to shed their commie ways while learning lots of important socio-economic properties, for example, it’s a good idea to drive to a lake when you want to have a party. Communists are also distinguished by their inability to catch a football, an inherent lack of rhythm, and lackluster libido.
Silhouette art by Francisco J. Gutierrez
*coffee
The Stutteringhand 